When Does a Prank Become Psychological Maltreatment? When the Fear is Real

A new(ish) TikTok trend is circulating just in time for Halloween: the bathroom ghost. The process involves parents using a filter on their phone to project a creepy ghost that appears to be behind the child. The social media trend involves parents activating the filter once their child is alone in the bathroom, often with the parent holding the door closed, trapping the terrified child. These videos are sadly similar: a happy child in the bathroom sees the ghost and freaks act -- often with absolute terror. Child shrieks, cries, freezes in fear. Child then tries to exit the bathroom only to realize that they are locked in. More terror ensues. Sometimes you can hear the parent laughing on the other side of the door. Perhaps most bizarre is the number of videos designed to teach other people how to do this to their own children.

At the Psychological Maltreatment Alliance we have identified at least ten potential risks associated with parents sharenting images and information about their children on social media, including that the image itself can involve the child being psychologically maltreated -- as in this type of post. The ghost filter is just one of many pranks and trends on social media in which parents activate their child's shame, fear, anger, or sadness in order to have an emotionally intense post that will attract user engagement. We encourage parents to consider the P-A-U-S-E (Mitchell et al, 2026) approach before posting: 

Privacy: Would this content reveal private bodily or health information or humiliating moments (e.g., nudity or bathroom time)?

Audience: Who can see this content (including friends of friends, screenshots, and reshares)?

Unchangeable: Would you be comfortable if this post existed forever?

Safety: Does the content reveal location, school, rou tine, or other identifiable details?

Emotion: Are you posting while you or your child is upset? Are you seeking validation or trying to prove a point?

Remember: if the feeling is real even if the filter is fake, then you may want to put that post aside. Even better, avoid intentionally activating your child's fear in the first place. You may miss out on the latest trend but you can enjoy the awesome feeling of knowing you have spared your child uncessary trauma.

The CWLA Annual Conference: A Great Place to Present the New PMA Foster Parent Curriculum

PMA members recently presented at the annual conference of the Child Welfare League of America in Washington, DC. We were told to expect about 20 people for our 90-minute workshop and instead had a full house of over 40 participants. We began by asking attendees if they had received any training on PM and only one person raised her hand, saying "Sort of." None were aware of training on the topic being offered to foster parents although they all expressed a strong need for such a training, recognizing that some parents may engage in PM unaware of the potential harm to the child. Over the 90-minute workshop we walked the participants through the core content areas including psychological maltreatment and positive parenting as well as explained the structure of the curriculum including the didactic and interactive components. We ended by inviting them to contact us to access the curriculum for their own agencies. It is available both as a complete slide deck and set of notes as well as a video of the full presentation with guidance on how to incorporate interactive components to help participants deepen their understanding of the core concepts. PMA is committed to making this curriculum available to any foster care agency that wants it. Please contact Brittany.Morris@NYFoundling.org to learn more.

What Does Acceptance Mean to You?

What does acceptance mean to you? For Emi Nietfeld it meant being "accepted" into Harvard -- a triumph of epic proportions given the adversity she experienced throughout her childhood. In her harrowing new memoir, "acceptance" also meant coming to terms with a traumatic childhood in which she was removed from home and placed in a series of alternative living arrangements, including a residential treatment center for children. Each step of the way, Emi is given the message that she must exhibit "acceptance" that she is the cause of her difficulties. During weekly therapy sessions she was instructed to focus on her own contributions to the problems that led to her removal from home. She was condemned for challenging this lie. The truth was that Emi’s removal was primarily due to her mother's refusal to address her own extreme, dangerous, and literally toxic hoarding which forced Emi to sleep in an unheated mold- and rodent-infested home resulting in her being chronically exhausted and often unable to breathe. Because her mother was charming and savvy enough to evade detection (home visits were never made), Emi was viewed by the mental health system as the cause of her own problems rather than a victim of circumstances. Making matters worse, to stay in the heated mold-free environment of the residential treatment center, Emi had to “accept” that her behavior was bad and subject herself to erroneous diagnoses and treatment. Additionally, throughout her childhood Emi was expected to exhibit grit and resilience, resulting in her traumatized condition being interpreted as a reflection of her personal failure. The "gospel of grit" was used to exonerate the systems that failed her, leaving her to absorb the impact of the trauma so that society did not have to address the underlying causes (such as poverty and untreated mental health issues of parents). The "song and dance of resilience" chipped away at her humanity as it expected her to singlehandedly fix what was wrong. More than anything, she wished that someone had told her and the those in her world that she was removed from home because her mother had a problem rather than treating her removal as her failure to be a good enough daughter. Emi was also expected to "accept" that her life would be limited by her circumstances, that she should give up her dreams of going to Harvard, reading poetry, pursuing material success. Thankfully, her native intelligence, curiosity, and inner spirit, combined with her mother's unfailing confidence in her, yes – we’re all a mixed bag, led Emi to achieve all that she aimed for.

For the professionals at the Psychological Maltreatment Alliance, there are many lessons one can draw from this beautifully written book, chiefly among them is the lifelong impact of the psychological maltreatment perpetrated against Emi by her mother. More than the physical neglect she suffered, the emotional neglect (a form of psychological maltreatment) from her mother was by far the most damaging to her sense of reality and her very soul. Despite her obvious love for her daughter, Emi's mother was unwilling and/or unable to get help for herself, resulting in her inability to attend to Emi's basic needs for a safe and nurturing home environment. Emi's pervasive childhood experience was the denial of the reality that her home was disgusting and unsafe. There was chronic gas-lighting in which Emi was made to feel that there was something wrong with her for wanting to live in a clean and safe home.

Another important message that we at the PMA take from this book is the importance of adults listening to children rather than simply assuming that their caretakers have their best interests at heart. Most of the adults minimized Emi's concerns, assuming that she was exaggerating or just being difficult. If just one person had given her the benefit of the doubt and visited her home, she would have been believed and felt understood. A third lesson is that achieving markers of success (higher education, respected career, and so forth) does not automatically make up for feeling chronically misunderstood, unsafe, and unloved as a child. At the core of Emi's life journey is the ultimate acceptance that her mother would not be able to acknowledge her daughter's suffering and her own contribution to it. Like so many psychologically maltreated children, Emi will probably always have some degree of unseen scars in her psyche. It is our mission at the PMA to help prevent such harm to the next generation of Emi's by ensuring that all mental health professionals have access to adequate information about what psychological maltreatment is and how to respectfully and supportively intervene when -- for whatever reason – parents are not able to provide a safe, loving, and nurturing home for their children.